Are you the strong one?

Are you the strong one? The peacemaker and peacekeeper? The one everyone else turns to for their emotional support?

Do you work hard to appear that you have it all together? Do you fear being an emotional burden to others? Does your falling apart always happen alone in the dark of the night?

Ya… me too. At least, up until a few years ago.

I want to tell you something.

Having it all together is not what makes you valuable. Doing it all yourself is not what makes you valuable. Never asking for help or support is not what makes you valuable.

Being human is what makes you valuable.

And you are. 

Both.

Human and valuable. 

I know that this can be hard to fully accept.

You know that it’s true of your friends and loved ones, but truly believing it of yourself is difficult. This is not your fault. Our capitalistic, patriarchal society has told you both overtly and subliminally that your worth is measured by your productivity. You have been praised (again overtly and subliminally) for keeping your troubles to yourself. For replying “I’m good” to the question “How are you?” instead of getting into the messy truth of how you are, really. For putting the needs of everyone around you ahead of your own. 

You have been told the lie over and over that laziness is the ultimate sin and that you need to be doing more, taking on more, giving more, caring more, more more more, in order to be a worthy human. 

The problem is, more is never enough and your nervous system was not designed for the constant output of energy. 

We have whole generations of people who are unable to take time to properly rest and care for themselves without feeling guilty about it. This has led to increasing rates of burnout with women disproportionately affected across all ages. 

Take a moment and ask yourself when the last time was that you truly rested. Aside from sleeping at night (which I’m willing to bet you don’t quite do enough of), when did you last simply rest. Not resting by scrolling social media comparing your life to the curated perfection that exists there. Not resting by sitting down to write your to-do list rather than standing at the kitchen counter. Not resting by binging Netflix (though this can be restful). 

Pure, simple rest.

I know it can feel impossible. Your nervous system needs it, but it probably doesn’t feel entirely safe to do. It might feel too uncomfortable to actually enjoy, especially at first. 

Like any other skill that we learn in life, rest takes practice.

Here’s the wonderful thing about rest though. Your body does remember what it feels like. Deep on a cellular level, it remembers. Because no one comes into this world not knowing how to rest. We are robbed of this simple pleasure and birthright at various stages of our lives. You may have retained it through childhood and into adolescence, or you may not consciously remember a time when it felt safe to rest. Whether you remember consciously or not, your body remembers. 

So today, I challenge you to take 10 minutes and rest.

You could close your eyes and focus on your breathing (meditation), or lay on the couch and take a mini-nap. You could sit in your garden and gaze at the leaves on the trees, or savour a cup of your favourite tea. The only stipulation is that you not be on your phone and you not be doing anything “productive”.

Carving out these small pockets of rest in your day allows your body to slowly become reacquainted with the feeling of rest. It’s not enough to stop here however. There are layers to unpack, old beliefs to discard and new ones to build. There are boundaries to create and resilience practices to incorporate. 

To truly create a life that is more restful, filled with more presence and joy, it can be very helpful to work with a coach, a counsellor, or a healer. I created Rekindled to help exhausted women do just this. While there are many books to read on the topic, it can be difficult to walk this journey alone. You are, after all, human and we are not meant to walk alone. Our nature is to be interconnected and interdependent. 

If your body and soul are crying out for rest, reach out! I am currently accepting 1:1 clients to work with me inside Rekindled. We journey together for 12 weeks to allow for healing and rest to take root in your bones. I hold space for all of you to show up and we work together to find your right path toward a life where you wake up feeling rested, connected, joyful, and at ease.