Divine Feminine Energy: What it is, what it’s not, and how to embrace it.
As I was writing the title for this blog post I originally typed “how to harness it”. Whoops! That’s my stereotypical masculine energy coming out. It was a pretty big moment of self-reflection as I considered how even our language is fraught with toxic masculinity.
To harness something is to tame it, to claim it, to control it. The more I learn about the divine masculine, the more I recognize that these do not belong to it at all, but society has said that they do.
A startling fact I learned a while ago is that little boys are actually more emotional than little girls by nature. They have bigger feelings. And yet, it is boys that we expect to “man up” and keep those emotions stuffed way down inside.
Sayings like “boys don’t cry” and “grow a pair” pile shame on top of expressions of distress and grief for boys and men. With everything we know about unexpressed emotions and the body, I would say this is akin to abuse.
But I digress. This post is about the divine feminine, we will tackle the divine masculine another day.
As I began my journey into coaching and healing (the journey of becoming an energy coach) I began to recognize that I was out of touch with my feminine energy. I always prided myself on not being a “girly girl” and not being “high maintenance” in relationships. Men I dated often said I wasn’t like other girls and I wore that like a badge of honour.
However my strong drive to be hyper-independent, to do it all myself, to have it all together at all times, and to never be an emotional burden on others was taking its toll.
Learning to acknowledge my more feminine energies and how to learn from them is an ongoing process and one that I share with the clients I coach.
Women who are drawn to work with me often label themselves as People Pleasers, always making sure that everyone else’s needs are met before attending to their own (meaning they don’t actually have time to do so). They are ambitious women hustling to succeed in their business or super-moms holding it all together for their families. They often struggle to set and maintain boundaries. They feel like if they just push through until ________, THEN they’ll be able to take a break and really rest.
But “until” never seems to come and they beat themselves up for constantly feeling exhausted and not being able to do it all the way it looks like everyone else is doing.
The truth is, NO ONE can do it all. No one can keep the house spic-and-span AND make 3 beautiful meals a day plus snacks for their family AND get the kids to all their various sporting events and playdates AND “look the part” AND grow their side hustle AND… you get the point. No one can do all this alone.
We feel like we have to because we are living in a world that is structured around masculine energy cycles (more on this in a future post about cyclical living). A world that praises us only for our tangible productivity, to which we attach our worth. So that, even if you ARE doing it all in the scenario above, you STILL don’t feel like you’re doing enough because what have you got to show for it at the end of the day?
So, what is divine feminine energy? And why do we need to tune into it if we are going to come back to ourselves and rest?
It is… a softening, a surrender.
It is fecund and fertile.
It is connective and collaborative, compassionate and nurturing, accepting and forgiving.
Feminine energy looks for win-win-win in all situations. It holds currents of strong emotions.
It is intuition, that inner wisdom held within your body.
It is the physical self, embodiment.
It is both strong and tender.
Feminine action seeks joy in the experience and cares less about the outcome/output.
It is nurturing and vulnerable and deep and messy and juicy and mysterious.
It is the perfect complement to the divine masculine energy.
We need to embrace divine feminine energy to help us remember our connection to our own bodies, to the earth, and the wisdom that lives in both of these places.
And because I’ve heard a lot of things about this energy that are just plain wrong, here is some of what divine feminine energy is not:
It’s not just for women! This is a common misconception that I come up against. Like everything else in life we need a balance of both feminine and masculine energies, yin and yang. Both women and men carry the divine feminine inside themselves and express it variously.
Feminine energy is also not helpless or weak. Far from it. I plan to write a post all about the power of the feminine, if you want to read more on that make sure you sign up for my mailing list!
While feminine energy is softer, that does not make it necessarily comfortable. Especially if you have lived for a long time in your masculine energy, stepping into your feminine can be deeply uncomfortable and unsettling.
So, how can you begin to experience and embrace your own divine feminine energies?
Practice listening to your intuition. Start small with little choices that don’t matter in the grander scheme of things (should I wear white or black socks today?) and follow the quiet nudge.
Practice compassion (this includes self-compassion). The next time someone cuts you off in traffic, try to catch yourself before flying into a rage and imagine all the reasons they might have done so (and how bad you feel when you accidentally cut someone off… because let’s be honest, if you drive, you have done this at some point).
Get comfy feeling your feelings. Okay easier said than done I know. Next time you have an emotion bubble up, see if you can get curious about it. Let it move through your body, and then allow it to go. Stuffing our emotions down not only prevents us from connecting with our feminine energy, it also can result in physical illness, it’s just bad for us!
Work with someone who can help you tap in and begin to work with the divine feminine energies that live within you. If it’s been a long time (or forever) since you’ve tried to connect here, it can be really daunting to go it alone. Reach out, I’d love to support you!
