Today I Remember
Today is Samhain.
Today we honour those who have come before us.
Today I remember my grandmother by telling a part of her story. She was such a courageous woman, but it is only with the clarity of adulthood that I understand just what kind of courage she really had.
When my mother was 7 or 8, the second eldest of 4 children, my grandmother separated from my grandfather. She packed all 4 of her children up and moved them from small town Saskatchewan to Winnipeg. In some ways, she had no choice. My grandfather suffered from bipolar disorder. He struggled with alcoholism. He would spend all of their money on things they didn’t need when he was manic and escape into alcohol when he was depressed. She needed to leave to care for herself and her children.
At that time, 1960, women didn’t leave their husbands. They did not single parent. Only 0.05% of marriages at that time ended in divorce. My mother remembers my grandma warning her that if she told friends’ parents that her mom had left her dad and was single parenting, that she could expect them to react quite negatively. My grandmother likely felt she had no choice but to leave, but many women in her situation would have felt they had no choice but to stay. Thankfully for her, she had gone to school and was a nurse so she was able to earn an income which gave her the ability to leave. When she arrived in Winnipeg with her kids in tow, she was very aware however, that nursing did not pay nearly enough for her to support her family. At this time women on average earned 59 cents to a man’s dollar. Nursing, being women’s work, it was very poorly compensated. In order to be able to make ends meet and feed her children, my grandmother worked full time while putting herself through 2 years of school to upgrade her nursing so she could work as a public health nurse (they were paid somewhat better). This while single parenting 4 young children.
The courage, and audacity, and strength that this woman showed is so inspiring to me.
Also inspiring is the life she led after her children were grown.
When my mom was an adolescent my grandmother entered into a relationship with a man she would go on to share the rest of her life with. They lived separately for many years but eventually lived together until her death. He was nearly 15 years her junior which, in the era of free love may not have ruffled as many feathers, but I cannot imagine people didn’t have some opinions about that! They belonged to a nudist colony (I was scandalized by this as a kid, now I think it’s the coolest thing ever!). They took psilocybin.
Perhaps none of this would seem shocking, but my grandma presented as very prim and proper. She wasn’t what you would call “chill”. I remember not liking when she came to take care of me and my sister when my parents when on vacation because she seemed like such a hard ass (lol)! She was strict.
Many of the stories of her life and who she was I never learned until she passed. I regret not talking to her more while she was still here with us, collecting her stories from her own memories and point of view rather than from my mother or others who knew her. I have always felt a strong tie to her and now, as I strike off on this new journey, I take inspiration and courage from her strength. I keep a photo of her in my living room and I like to believe she would be so proud of the hard decisions I have made.
Do you know the stories of your ancestors? If you do, take some time tonight to call them to mind, share them, honour their lives.
If the story of my grandmother moved you to share any stories of your own I’d love to hear them! Come tell me over on instagram @myluminouslife_ or email your story to eileen@myluminouslife.ca
Blessed Samhain!!
